Posts Tagged “parenthood definitions”

Friends

  • are those individuals your teenager knows but he/she does not want you to meet (and you’re afraid to, anyway).
  • are those little people who giggle with your 7-year old at bodily functions noisily expressed in public.
  • are the 92 stuffed animals/characters your toddler requires to be in bed with him/her every night and don’t let one be missing.

“Get down”

  • spoken to a teenager will only result in rolling eyes and the generational equivalent response of “You’re so lame.”
  • spoken to a 7-year will result in silly dancing.
  • spoken to a toddler actually means “When will you stop climbing onto the counters?”

“Get out of the refrigerator”

  • spoken to a teenager actually means “Just pick something already; the contents haven’t changed the last 30 times you looked.”
  • spoken to a 7-year old actually means “Don’t keep it open and let all the cold air out.”
  • spoken to a toddler actually means “Get your little body out of the vegetable drawer and STOP!”

Naps

  • are a form of solitary recreation for teenagers.
  • are assiduously avoided by 7-year olds.
  • are recommended for babies/toddlers…and necessary for their parents.

Screeching

  • is what your teenager does when he/she sees his favorite music/sports star in person. It’s also what he/she does when you say “No.”
  • is what your 7-year old does when he/she has something involuntarily taken away from him/her. It’s also what he/she does when you say “No.”
  • is the normal mode of communication for toddlers and sometimes their parents.

Sharing

  • to a teenager means “What’s yours is mine and don’t touch my stuff.”
  • to a 7-year old means “What’s yours is mine.”
  • to a toddler means absolutely nothing.

Toilet Paper

  • is what your teenager runs out of and does not replace.
  • is what your 7-year old runs out of and does not replace.
  • is what your toddler strews all over the house in teeny bits…and does not replace.

Toys

  • to a teenager means expensive electronic items.
  • to a 7-year old means whatever is colorful, obnoxiously loud and advertised on television.
  • to a toddler means whatever isn’t nailed down (in some instances, those items that are nailed down as well), regardless of the item’s intended use.

Wipes

  • are used with a teenager (male or female) to remove the black eye makeup.
  • are used with a 7-year old to clean the sticky candy off his/her face and hands.
  • are used with a baby/toddler for everything, including pets and inanimate objects.

Work

  • is an activity your teenager studiously attempts to avoid.
  • is that unknown place your 7-year old hates because that’s you are when you can’t be at their recital or play.
  • is what your toddler creates.

2 am

  • When you have a teenager, is the time you’re waiting, terrified and imagining all the accidents and trouble he/she could be in.
  • When you have a 7-year old, is the time you’re making those cupcakes they need for the morning for the party at school that he/she forgot to tell you about.
  • When you have a toddler, is the ONLY time you can get anything accomplished that requires an uninterrupted thought process. Too bad you’re too tired to think.
  • When you have a newborn, has absolutely no meaning or frame of reference to the normal world.

Love

  • is what keeps you tolerating, forgiving and thinking fondly of all of the above.

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